For Me to Poupon

• Jade: Clearly you need a party and tactics. ANDERS, GO MOVE THAT COUCH.
• Poupon: he'll be too busy staring at the ceiling fan and making me uncomfortable.
• Jade: Merrill would accidentally cut herself and get blood magic everywhere. Imagine the mess.
• Poupon: Fenris won't be a help either, since he's yet to unpack his corpses and shit from moving into his mansion.
• Poupon: Varric and Aveline would probably be okay with helping out but the height difference would make group efforts a problem
• Jade: Well Varric could put things on lower shelves! Having to constantly bend down is kind of a pain, so I think it works out.
• Poupon: Sebastian would probably be all eager to volunteer but be absolutely incompetent at physical labor
• Poupon: While they were out Flemeth brought dragonfruit!
• Poupon: it was a great housewarming until she also started eating the guests
• Poupon: Some frat fuck named Alistair came in and ate all the shit out of the refrigerator before we could even plug it in.
• Poupon: You know what? No joke, Sten and Aveline would be like the dream team of moving buddies.
• Poupon: Anders got cat fur all over the couch but the weird thing is he hasn't had a cat for months
• Poupon: shale would be useless. you tell her to help move something and she'll be all YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME then she'd break you in .5
• Poupon: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU AREN'T MY CONTROL ROD DAD
• Poupon: you have to keep an eye on Fenris because if you turn your back on him too long he's going to start peeing in the houseplants
• Poupon: they don't teach slaves how to use the toilet
• Jade: Bethany and Carver would help (Carver would complain the whole time), but then they'd get badly hurt and have to leave.
• Jade: They'd come back when your jerk neighbor the Arishok comes in to wreck some shit.
• Jade: But then they'd leave again and wouldn't come back until the very end. SUPER HELPFUL, YOU GUYS.
• Jade: Isabela would help a little but spend most of the time on the couch, getting incredibly drunk.
• Jade: In Unpacking: Origins, some asshole named Duncan burst into the house with some drink called The Joining and no one remembers anything after that.
• Jade: Morrigan came in and helped a little for a while but then demanded you or Alistair have sex with her.
• Jade: And then she left before you woke up and stole all the money out of your wallet (and your toaster too).
• Jade: Meredith would be your nosy neighbor who keeps calling the police for no reason.
• Jade: Her roommate Orsino seems like a cool dude, but then he turns out to actually be kind of terrible.
• Jade: The Grand Cleric is a super nice old lady down the hall, up until Anders accidentally sets fire to her apartment.
• Jade: (Sebastian doesn't help moving after that)